Cooking brings me back to mom

I'm so glad I decided to cook dinner for the family last night. It kinda made it feel like a special ocassion, especially when sis-in-law Phyllis got us to finish off the bottle of white wine that she opened just to marinate the fish that Mike caught.

I decided to make spaghetti bolognaise, mom's specialty. And throughout the whole process, I felt mom very close to me. Her voice accompanied me as I peeled, chopped, sauted, stirred and seasoned. I kept hearing all the things she used to say to me as she was teaching me to cook. She taught me all her tricks, and then she'd shake her head as I added my own twists to it.

I've been wondering, how come I don't feel mom around me? I thought it was because my heart was closed off. Or that I just wasn't ready to allow her in. But last night was different. It was natural, and so very beautiful. I guess she's in the things we used to share. Things for the family, things for the community. Not in my work. At home. That's where she is. That's where she wants me to be. Maybe that the blueprint that a mom leaves behind for her daughter.

Well, family dinner was a lot warmer than usual. We planned Dad's birthday dinner and even spoke briefly about Christmas. Mom would want us to celebrate. She'd want us to be happy.

I remember last year - I knew it would probably be her last one with us. So I decided to not get caught up in doing so much cooking and baking and running around. I didn't want to tire myself out. I wanted to be able to be with her. So I let my two sis-in-laws cook and got the maids to do most of the work. I remember wheeling mom into the kitchen and letting her taste everything. It was a nice last Christmas.

Mom's birthday is on January 21st. Hmmm, maybe we should remember her on that day and have some kind of memorial. Better to remember her on the day she was born instead of the day she left us. Ok, my next mission will be to speak to dad about this.