Sunday, September 26, 2010
At last, now I understand...
In the past 10 years, whenever I wanted something, I would apply the skills and tools I learnt from various masters - focus my thoughts, visualise, draw it out, write it in red, think about it the first thing every morning and the last thing before I fall asleep, take action aligned to doing it and having it... and sometimes it works, but many, many times it doesn't. I've gone vegetarian, assigned karma, paid for pujas, done the Law of Attraction thingy... many, many different things.
And yet, the results seem to be random, unpredictable, uncontrollable. There have been many painful disappointments, many crushing failures.
I attended the Manifesting Money Metaphysically workshop by Sophia Catha yesterday, and I finally realised why I sometimes don't get what I want : my physical vibration and consciousness is not aligned to the vibration that is required to hold/maintain/support the things I want.
Another master, Isis, Dr. Carolyne Fuqua, taught me this, but I didn't get it until yesterday. I need to keep my vibration in the upper realm, and not allow myself to sucked into the lower vibrations.
The higher vibrations are created by thoughts and feelings of love, peace, joy, abundance and generosity. The lower vibrations are fear, desperation, disappointment, anger, frustration, all those too familiar grungies :(
How to shift to a higher vibration? Pray. Meditate. Control my thoughts because they dictate my emotions. Purify my present and past issues so that I clean out some space for new energies to come in. Practise, get feedback, and keep working.
Don't allow what I perceive through my 5 senses to dictate how I feel. The evidence I see in the physical world around me, will only get me down. Hold my vision. Hold the energy of higher vibration.
This reminds me of what Donald Trump said when he was asked how he felt when he made losses and debts that ran into billions. He said "I feel pretty much the same as how I feel when I make millions."
This is not about being in denial or living in a fake happy positivity; I interpret this as having unshakeable faith in himself and his power to manifest. With strong steady faith, there is no need to feel lousy just because the results are poor. Results are just feedback that something is not working - so just fix it, and keep going for the goal.
Wheras for me, I go down the tube of "what's wrong with me?" Hahaha!
So referring to my earlier post about me and money, I now realise that I repel money, money doesn't stick to me because my vibration is not aligned to having prosperity.
When I look at my behaviour with my 5 senses, I see that I am wasteful, not responsible, not aware of the value of money. All these are judgements that make me feel bad about myself.
When I shared this with Sophia, she said I waste my money, I spend it all or generously give it all away, because I AM NOT COMFORTABLE with having money. My vibration is not high enough to match the vibration of prosperity.
Why? I still have beliefs that money is bad. Being rich brings separation, alienation and loneliness. Aha! A deeper discovery about myself and money.
Last week, someone said to me "You come from a well-off family, you don't need money. So you don't chase it. That is selfish, because the rest of us need money."
This reinforced my belief that if I have money, I am not like 'the rest of us'. If I have money, I am an outcast. This was my experience in primary school. I was always lonely. I was laughed at for having a driver come pick me up. I missed out on the fun my friends had when they were waiting for the school bus. I didn't know how to take public transport, didn't know how to order food at coffee shops, didn't have the same pens, pencils, pencil boxes, hair clips, watch, purse, school bag, as the rest of my closest friends.
It's not that my parents bought me expensive stuff. They received gifts from their friends and passed them on to me. When I was 16, I received a Piaget diamond-encrusted watch. I hid it away in embarrasment. Mom would give me the expensive bags that her friends gave her - but I wanted the cheap plastic ones that my friends were using instead.
That's exactly the same pattern as my Dad wanting to buy me a BMW but I chose a Kelisa instead. Hahahah! Well, at least now I know. Duh!
Same thing with my spiritual development. When I regularly practise, I feel separated from the people closest to me. So I stop. I stop because I don't want to leave people behind. I don't want to be alone.
As I write this, I remember an exercise I went through during my One Vision training : I got it, my partner didn't, the only way I could move forward was to go back and bring her with me. The feeling of 'flying' together with her was just simply beautiful! No longer alone, I had someone to share my experience with!
THIS is the reality I want to create now.
So it is not being rich, or being spiritual that alienates me. It is going it alone, not bringing people with me. Not looking back. Just being self-centered and thinking only of myself. THIS causes separation and aloneness.
So I will share. I will continuously work on myself, and not stop. And I will share, and do all I can to guide others to learn and grow too. As I am guided, I too shall guide.
I thank the people who have pointed this out to me. Although it was painful at that time, I would not have learnt this if you had not been honest and open with me back then.
Now, it's time for my second cup of coffee :)
Have an awesomely abundant week. Thank you so much for reading my blog.
I am honoured that you are interested in what I have to share. Thank you.