Monday, January 15, 2007

Men & Women

I once heard this saying "Men love with their eyes, women love with their ears". At first I thought it meant that men are attracted to the physical charms of a woman, while women fall for men who say beautiful words.

Later I realised that while this has some truth, there is a deeper meaning (at least from my POV) : men LOOK at the women they care for, searching for signs of approval, happiness, and well-being. Women LISTEN to the men they care about, seeking to understand them better.

When I come home after a long day, my husband will look deeply into my face and he gets all the info he needs in order to know if I've had a good day or lousy one. But I need to hear him speak about his day in order to know.

Both got good intentions, but sometimes, it can cause conflict. Women get accused of 'taking words and twisting them'. Maybe men are careless about their choice of words only because to them, words are not important. And women get so frustrated when the men they love won't talk about deep and meaningful stuff. Men cringe whenever a woman says "we need to talk". And they freak out when they see a woman cry.

Ironic isn't it - both also care, but the different methods can sometimes drive each other nuts.

I remember a short story written by Adrian Miller that was published in one of the Silverfish compilations. In his story, the man comes home and makes a shocking announcement to his wife, then gets extremely upset (to the point of breaking up) because she showed her upset - or rather, she tried to hide her shock by putting on a mask and making herself busy - but of course, the man can SEE right through it.

I've experienced this many times - bad enough I am expected to cope with bad news or harsh criticism (feedback is neutral, criticism is judgemental and vicious), I also have to put on a face that shows nothing but love and understanding. Gggrrr...

Am I an alien for thinking this? Anyone else have this kind of experience?


Blogger Sonny Lim said...

Really too deep for me to comprehend. Better to just look.

11:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

whoa! very deep... i agree w/ your POV.

and if i may add it up a bit. just for the men sides...

most of the guys i know, are raised to be absolutely responsible and independent. actions make the man. and most of them don't talk serious meaningful conversation full of emotion so much, because words are just words. it doesn't do anything. prove is more important than promise. and that explain why the line 'action speak louder' is very powerful [especially for guys, or at least me]

therefore, after handling so much actions over years, we tend to believe our EYES to find out what's going on around us.

but of course, we also try to avoid any miscommunication. by all means, we are trying. by talking more... but in very short sentence.

and that's all about my POV..

12:45 AM  
Anonymous wong said...

I have to agree here... That's why conflict happen most of the time lah...

6:38 AM  
Blogger Azraai said...

guilty as charged

10:26 AM  

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